seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
