remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
