My brain says no but my pants say off.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
