Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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