Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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