Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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