So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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