She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
My balls are so social today.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
