People in love make me want to vomit
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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