I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
