i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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