Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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