why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I checked into jail on foursquare
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize