someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
