tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
