I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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