I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I pour the whiskey from now on
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize