if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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