you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
