I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
not ubering you a puppy
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
