Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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