So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
