First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
It's not a walk of shame if you run
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
