The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
