I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
