apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
