I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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