Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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