so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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