During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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