So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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