I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
