I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
