Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
if only i could text you this smell
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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