i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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