we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
