I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
