did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
