Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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