Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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