The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
