i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I deserve to be covered in dicks
3 2 1 whiskey
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
A+ Viking dick
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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