He disabled his match.com account in front of me
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Who died my cat blue again?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
