is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
