i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
