my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
