were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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