I am puke
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
