She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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