i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
