All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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