My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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