I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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