so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize