If i come over, it means nothing
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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