SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I wish you could order shots online.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
