butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Randomize
