Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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