im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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