I just saw a hot homeless man
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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