I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
