i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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