Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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