first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
